Hard Fruit


What’s everyone’s deal with hard fruit? If I hear one more person ask for a hard pear I’m going to start throwing patio furniture into the pool.


Pears are supposed to be succulent, and juicy, and luscious – all adjectives that are not meant to accompany the word “hard”. Supple, perhaps. Tender, even. Hard, no. Hard = you’ve got yourself an unripe pear. I suppose next you’ll ask me for a green banana? It’s called a plantain get a clue.

It’s the same with peaches, plums, and nectarines. Which, by my standards, all may as well be the same fruit but regardless, are not meant to be eaten hard. Pitted fruits are meant to be svelte; with just enough give when you press gently on the skin to sink in and spring back slightly but never mush! And it should smell so sweet and watery that it makes you want to bathe in it. If it smells like rubber and bounces off a brick wall keep looking.

Orange Throwing Festival in Italy

Orange Throwing Festival in Italy

The only fruit that should be hard is something with a rind. Example: melon, coconut, that’s it. I’ll go firm for you if you want. I like my berries firm – but that’s where I draw the line. There’s nothing worse than a soft berry. You know why it’s soft. It’s because a worm has been or is currently living there. Inside your berry and or grape. I want the peel on my grape to crack when I bite into them and explode like a gusher – save the soft grapes for Welch’s.